November 2nd, 1793
Diary Entry by Philippe Égalité
A lot of things are running through my mind right now… I’m currently locked in a cell and I can’t communicate with anybody. I’ve managed to find some paper and a pencil in this condensed room, but there’s hardly any room to breathe in here, let alone write. Oh well.
It’s sad and disappointing to think about how I got myself into such a predicament. Ever since I was opened up to the ideas of Rousseau and Montesquieu, I strived towards democracy and the Revolution. I hated Marie Antoinette and the King with a passion despite being rich and noble myself, but I used my wealth to help spread the ideas that sparked this entire revolution. Without me, how would we Jacobins have been able to discuss the logistics and principles of the Revolution without being censored by the monarchy? That’s right. We wouldn’t have; and we wouldn’t have been nearly as successful at undermining this government system, either. And yet I find myself being shackled and imprisoned by the very people I worked with for months. How ridiculous is this?
Alas, even when I was extremely vocal against the monarchy, people thought that I was merely trying to replace the King so I could seize all of the power myself. How preposterous is this notion? I’d never stoop to the level of hypocrisy or shallowness that I find in people like Antoinette. Even when I voted in favor of the execution of the King, what happened? Everybody assumed it was just an opportunity for me to try and seize more power.
But I proved them wrong when Louis and Antoinette tried to leave Paris a few years back. I didn’t take any leadership position after he left, unlike what everybody else thought. But in the end, despite how frustrating it is to have people question what you really stand for, it’s not the reason I find myself sitting on this cold hard floor today. Instead, it is for a completely different, and perhaps even stupider reason.
My son, the Duke of Chartres, seems to be on quite good terms with Charles Dumouriez. He was a royalist that tried to save Louis from execution, and I also believe he was a part of the Girondins at a certain point. The exhibition of his true intentions certainly didn’t improve their reputation, and it also really hurt mine. Just because my son is a friend of this man doesn’t mean that I support what he did! I truly do not believe why my fellow Jacobins, people I trusted dearly, were unable to see this. Perhaps Grace was right after all; maybe executing the monarchs really will throw our country into more chaos. If they’re putting me on trial, a man who has worked so hard to share these revolutionary ideas with the rest of Paris, who’s to say that they won’t start executing anybody that looks at them the wrong way?
In the end, I cannot do much; I am locked in a small prison cell with nothing but a pen and some paper. But even I can say with near-certainty that our country is about to enter an extremely chaotic state of disarray.